If I Ever Leave This World Alive
by armsaroundmyneck
Summary: Losing a loved one is never easy. But if the person whom we have have lost was with us around the grieving time, what would they think? What would they be saying? D/H R


**Please, please, please read and review if you read.**

**This is a songfic one-shot; the song is If I Ever Leave This World Alive by Flogging Molly. It just kind of came to me while I was listening to the song, and yeah. I don't know, what do you think?**

**Enjoy –Armsaroundmyneck.**

_If I ever leave this world alive  
I'll thank for all the things you did in my life  
If I ever leave this world alive  
I'll come back down and sit beside your  
feet tonight  
Wherever I am you'll always be  
More than just a memory  
If I ever leave this world alive  
_

"You've done such a wonderful job." I whispered in her ear, yet she didn't even flinch as my breath passed over her soft skin. She just continued to stare at the room before her. There were beautiful white lilies placed all around the room in different vases of all shapes and sizes. Lilies had always been her favourite. When the two of us had gone out on our first 'official' date a few years back, I had given her a bunch. When we had wed, we had them all over the church, it was magnificent. And now they were here. The room had been decorated to perfection. Perfect, just like her. How she had been back then, how she was now. Black and white balloons aimlessly floated in the corners, swaying gently to and fro. She seemed to be captivated by them.

Slowly, she rest her head against the back of the cool black leather armchair she was seated in. Gently, her eyelids began to close over her lovely coffee brown eyes, she seemed tired. I knelt down beside her and placed my hand over hers, yet she didn't awaken from her peaceful trance state. I knew she hadn't drifted off though, as I saw the small tears flicker at the sides of her eyes and then at a snail like pace trickle down her cheeks.

"Don't cry," I soothed, "I'm here darling, I'm here for you. Please don't cry. You've done nothing wrong, don't be upset. You've been brilliant! Brilliant with everything, and I love you so much. I do, 'Mione. I love you so much. More than you'll ever know and ever will, I promise you."

_If I ever leave this world alive  
I'll take on all the sadness  
That I left behind  
If I ever leave this world alive  
The madness that you feel will soon subside  
So in a word don't shed a tear  
I'll be here when it all gets weird  
If I ever leave this world alive_

I used my finger to wipe away her sparkling tears, nevertheless they carried on flowing, creating a slight grey line down her face. Even with make up streaks across her skin she was still the most lovely creature I had ever set my eyes upon. With each tear that fell, I felt a stab at my heart. As if with each miniscule droplet, a piece of my heart was being ripped out. I couldn't stand to see her like this. I wanted it to be me that was in pained; I wanted to be the one feeling the kind of hurt she was feeling. I'd rather I took all the feelings she was feeling multiplied by a million and have to bear them myself, as long as she was fine.

Her sobs then became more and more uncontrollable the longer she sat there. I watched as her body shook as she now began to cry out loud.

"Why did you do this to me? Why, why?" She screamed.

I felt a lump rise in my throat, and my eyes began to prickle and water, "No, I didn't 'Mione. Believe me, I never intended for this to happen. I didn't want it to. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." But my apologies were to no avail.

She ignored me and began to shriek again at the top of her voice as she opened her eyes, "I hate you! I hate you!"

That's when my own tears began to fall, "I'm sorry." I wept as I crumpled to my knees in front of her, "I'm sorry. I love you. Please don't hate me. I love you." I clutched at both of her hands this time, trying in vain to get her attention.

_  
So when in doubt just call my name  
Just before you go insane  
If I ever leave this world  
Hey I may never leave this world  
But if I ever leave this world alive_

She had calmed down now; she had now gone back off into her dreams. Her eyes seemed to have misted over slightly, and she was staring blankly at the chest of drawers to the side of her. On it lay seven or eight different photographs in different frames. All the pictures were of the same two people, a man and a woman. In each one they were grinning and smiling. In some they looked gorgeously sun kissed, in others they looked freezing, in some windswept, some wet, some in loving poses, some as if they'd just heard the funniest joke in the whole wide world. But most of all, they looked happy.

She pushed a small honey coloured curl behind her ear as she stood up from her previous pose and walked over to the photographs so that she could get closer. She fingered each one of them gently, softly tracing over the males face, as she did her sobs became softer, her tears smaller, and instead of a frown, a small smile itched to show on her lips, "I love you." She whispered as she kissed the tip of her finger and placed it on his face tenderly.

_  
She says I'm okay; I'm alright,  
Though you have gone from my life  
You said that it would,  
Now everything should be all right_

"I'll miss you you know," She giggled to herself, unbeknownst to her that I was watching and listening to her intently, treasuring each and every syllable that left her mouth, "I'll miss the way I never had to ask you to come to bed with me at night. How without me saying anything, you would be able to tell I was cold and would always wrap your big lovely warm arms around me, how you always made me feel safe no matter what. I'll miss how on the odd morning, I'd wake up thinking I was incredibly late for work. But you'd rung in already telling them I wasn't well, booked the day off yourself and you'd take me out for the day on a whim. I love how romantic you were no matter what, even if it wasn't a special occasion. I'll miss how you never forgot important dates. I'll miss how no matter how much I screamed at you and nagged at you, not once did you raise your voice to me. How you always knew how to make me laugh, no matter what kind of mood I was in. I'll miss how when you told me you loved me; I could tell you meant it. I'll miss being able to say to your face that I love you. I'll miss you so much Draco. And I hate that you're gone," Her voice became wobbly now, "And I hate how you've left me here all alone. How you're not going to be here for me anymore. I hate how I'll never see you again. I'll see a big pile of dirt covered in grass, with a big stone above your head saying your name and how you were the most charming man in the world, and how you were a devoted and wonderful husband…"

_  
She says I'm okay; I'm alright,  
Though you have gone from my life  
You said that it would,  
Now everything should be all right  
Yeah should be alright_

My eyes widened, and now this time it was my turn to shed my tears, properly this time.

"It'll all be alright 'Mione, I'll watch over you. I'll make sure you're okay." I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her. Except I couldn't. My arms passed through her. I tried again; it was as if I was grasping at air. I couldn't feel her. Desperately I clutched, trying to touch her. Wanting to grab a hold of her and tell her than everything would work itself out in the end. Her voice then awoke me from me panicked state.

"I hope you can here me. I love you, Dray. And even though you've left this world. You'll always be alive in my heart."


End file.
